Healthy Brownies? - LIES!

This Frosted Zucchini Brownies recipe was suggested by Miss Angelika as something delicious to make while on my most recent health kick. My sister uses zucchini all the time in her recipes, so I figured I would give it a shot.


So here I stand, with most of my ingredients. Yes, there is a plate of brownies already on the stove. My mom made those and ... they leave a lot to be desired. :)


So, already feeling a little confused as I didn't know healthy = sugar, oil and a vanilla mixture. But, I'm game.


So then my next step was mixing some dry stuff together. In the middle of the cocoa part, this happened....

Balls.

I tried to recreate the look on my face as it happened. This is about right.





After I cleaned that up, I was afraid it would happen again. Easy does it.


Okay, that mess is done.


Oooh, look who made an appearance.

 
So now comes the worst part. Shredding the zucchini. I hate it!

After I started shredding, I thought I probably should've  googled to see the proper way to do it, because I realized that the seeds were still in it, and who wants zucchini seeds in their brownies?! It has been well over a year since I did this last, and I can't remember the proper technique. I figured i should probably scoop out the insides..and this is what I was left with. Even suckier to shred them now!


What my sink looked like after I was finished. Like a zucchini mass murder! Thank God I had the brilliant idea to do it over my sink so I didn't have to clean this mess up! And yay for garbage disposals!


So it's not quite 2 cups but, good enough because I'm DONE with that mess.

 
Nom!

 
So the recipe says that the mixture will be dry and they weren't kidding. It is. It looks like a pile of dirt. Which reminds me, I miss Bertie Bott's Every Flavor Beans, as my favorite kind is the dirt one. I'm not kidding.


Good GRIEF! After I put the brownies in, I stood back to admire my kitchen. "Nice kitchen! When was the tornado?!" Baking time = cleaning time.



So I giggled at the recipe as it said to 'gently touch' to see if they're done as they're supposed to spring right back. How do you 'gently touch' a brownie? I felt like I was on "Touched By An Angel." Excuse me Mr. Brownie? I'm going to gently touch you now....



After I did it, I realized what they were talking about. Yep, it just left an indentation, so I put them back in for another 5 minutes.

So at this point, I took them out and before I made the frosting, I had to let them cool. So this was when I decided to break and make my Homemade Microwave Popcorn and blog about that.

Cut to a few hours later when I decided to make the frosting.


I had to melt some margarine and some cocoa. However, I kind of forgot what number I was on when doing the cocoa, 6 Tablespoons is a lot! So I may or may not have added one more tablespoon of cocoa. It's all good, right?


Now I'm wondering if I did add too much. This looks like a baby diaper.

 
So then I had to add that hot mess to some milk and powdered sugar. It was quite chunky. I whisked for a few minutes and it looked a little better....


But not perfect. But chocolate doesn't have to be pretty to consume, right?


I may or may not have tried to lick the frosting off the whisk. INNOCENT UNTIL PROVEN GUILTY!

So then the recipe says that they have to sit for at least a few hours in the fridge and the frosting will thicken the longer it sits. So I planned to just let them sit overnight and try them today.


Yeah, about that....
My popcorn ended up not tiding me over until breakfast and I found myself at 10:45pm thinking about these damn brownies in the fridge. I tried to move on and think of anything else, but I finally succumbed to the temptation and figured I would treat myself for all that hard work...... or something like that.

So I took them out and they look exactly the same as I put them in a few hours before. "The longer these brownies sit, the thicker the frosting will become" - LIES!



But you know what? Runny frosting is still frosting and still pure joy. They are pretty dang good, surprisingly, considering they're 'healthy'. Seriously, what part of this looks healthy?! I don't believe it. As Whitney would say:

Cause I don't buy it. But, I guess it could be worse and I'll just shut up and eat them.

Nom Rating: 3.75 out of 5. They're good and they're chocolate, can't really go wrong. However, it's a lot of steps and a bit of work, which I'm never really a fan of. I wouldn't make them regularly just because of this. I think I'll probably take most of them to work to share, as they make a whole bunch.

Forever Alone Saturday - Homemade Microwave Popcorn!

Howdy Neighbor!
What does a lonely old spinster do on a Saturday night while everyone else is getting hit on at seedy bars? Certainly not sit home, stroking your 9 cats and crying over your first crush getting married. (Although, I'm sure that's in my near future)

NO! Stay home, make brownies and homemade microwave popcorn and watch a movie with hotties! No regrets!

So, since the brownies are cooling now, and then I have to make the frosting and they're best if you let them sit overnight to cool, I'm going to blog about homemade popcorn and save the brownies for tomorrow.

Do not ever buy microwave popcorn again!! 

Did I get your attention? But serious, just make homemade microwave popcorn that tastes better, is cheaper and you can customize to your deepest desires.

All you need is

1/3 to 1/2 Cup Popcorn and a paper bag. I used a half cup for this blog, but usually I do 1/3 because I'm not like NOMNOMALLTHEPOPCORN! I just like a little and I'm good.


Then you just fold the bag over twice. I laugh that the directions say to not staple. REALLY? Is there some dumbass that's like, "Ooooh a staple would be BRILLIANT!" If so, this person should not be allowed the pleasure of popcorn and they should just microwave their stupid, empty head while they're at it.


Alright, ready for the hard part? You put it in the microwave for about 3 minutes. However, this is VERY important. Stay close by, as soon as you hear the popping start to slow down. STOP IT! My mom once nearly burned my house down because it practically imploded from the center.



Now, the second hardest part. Trying to find a movie to watch with your popcorn! Now, I'm on a Jeremy Renner kick and I haven't seen either of these, that he's in. However, I would also like to see The Avengers again, but I may not have it since it's not out yet and how could I possibly see that right now. *Wink Wink*
Although, now that I'm typing this blog, my popcorn bowl is nearly empty and I haven't started my movie yet.


There it is. The popcorn is done! It got exhausted from all the popping, so it laid down for a bit.


Look at that, is that not just amazing? And no creepy chemicals!



Now, as I was looking for the pin to remind myself how to make it, as it's been a few months since I did, I thought I'd try something else. Usually I just do a little salt but this time I thought I'd sprinkle some garlic and onion powder. Why not? All I'll be kissing tonight is Miss Bells.

Whatever, I'm over it.


So there it is. I should've used more sprinkles of stuff, as I can barely taste it, but I don't mind my popcorn plain as can be.

This turned out to be my supper, as my health kick is going swell. Down 8 pounds in a week. HOLLA, I just wish it could always come off this fast. I'd be at my goal weight in like a few months, ha!

But trust me on this, don't buy microwave popcorn anymore. Apparently it's super bad for you, allegedly, that's what scientists say or something. But it's also a waste of money. You're welcome.

Forever Alone Saturday - Chicken Ranch Tacos!

I had a very productive half day today. Cleaned out my closets and got rid of a ton of clothes, photographed the others and listed some to sell online. The rest of the time, I've spent watching TV and getting my Jeremy Renner fix by rewatching Mission Impossible 4 again. Seriously, look at this fine piece of ass. Let's just take a moment of silence and appreciate it.

Unf. Uffda. Steamy. Nice, right? Calm down ladies, he is mine.
Aanyways, I realized that it was nearing 7 and I needed to find something to eat so I thought I would try this Chicken Ranch Taco recipe using up the leftover chicken from the disappointing Parmesan Chicken from the other night.
Here's what happened...



Ingredient roundup!
Tunes tonight? A delightful little ditty by Ben Rector basically about a wedding and being in love. Whatever, I get to enjoy these tacos all by my SELF! sobs.

Oh yes, and with my kitty. Who I told you loves to rub on my legs whenever I cook.


Alright, back to business. Cutting up the chicken was the worst part. It looks like 3 cups, right?


Okay, so I measured it and it's like 2-2.5 cups, so I didn't use the whole package of taco mix.


Waiting for meat to warm means...
Holla! Saturday Night Kitchen Dance Party! Bringin' sexyback up in this hizouse.
I've also tried almost everything to rotate this picture and I can't figure it out and I'm over it.


And then the perfectionist in me thought I'd better add more chicken and luckily I had a can in my cupboard.


So I never ever use hard taco shells. I decided to be different this time and when I opened the package, I was all, "Awwww. The taco shells are spooning!" Precious. Too bad I'm going to eat a couple members of this taco shell orgy.


Measuring out the ranch dressing. The secret to happiness right here.


Waiting for the chicken to cook gives me the perfect opportunity to refine my rap skills. Kanye Bitches!


There we have it. Doesn't look half bad. Now it's time to find my taco toppings!


GASP! I'm looking for cheese and I find THIS! What IS this?! Barf-a-rama!! I could cure cancer with this bitch! Well, after I finish dry heaving.


Alright! Taco Perfection right there. The only thing I hate about tacos is how difficult they are to eat. You cannot be graceful or ladylike while eating one of these

 
And dammit, I'm a classy broad.

Nom Rating: 4 out of 5 stars! The chicken was delish! Plus, I'm always a fan of using up leftovers instead of throwing them away.

Now time for dessert...finishing the Jeremy Renner movie. Delish.

Parmesan Crusted Chicken

Didn't plan ahead. Was hungry. Thought I'd try a new recipe. I bring you Parmesan Crusted Chicken The pin has a different recipe, I went by the official one in the link. Your call.

So keeping in mind that I didn't plan ahead, all I had was a bag of my most favorite frozen chicken breasts, I had to find a way to quickly thaw them. So I started googling quick/safe ways to thaw thicken. I finally decided on soaking in some cold water. I got impatient though after about 45 minutes and decided to just use them as they were.


So here's where I was next. Ingredients. Recipe and Tunes tonight were the new Taylor Swift (MY JAM! NOT ASHAMED! and this one by Cheryl Lloyd "Want U Back") Seriously ladies, if you want to nerd out and boogie in your kitchen, these are the songs. I realize that they contradict each other. "Want U Back" but "We are Never Ever Getting Back Together!" but that's not important right now.


Ahhh Mayonnaise. Recipe called for some bogus 'real mayo'. Whatever. I'm not a mayo connoisseur, this will do. Plus I was able to use up this container, which is always nice when it works out almost perfectly!


Also wanted to point out the recipe. Decorated by Miss Bella. She didn't love on me while cooking this, she watched me from afar.


1/4 (ish) cup of Parmesan.



Ahh Mayo and Cheese. What heart attacks dream of.



I realized my bread crumbs are nearly a year old. Do these really go bad? Living on the edge.


Oooh la la. Original recipe called for 4, but these are big and it's just me. I figured I'd make 3 and have leftovers.

 
While the chicken cooks, I'll make peas! Yes it's the 'cook in the microwave' brand, but it's not like it's hard to make them in a pan. I don't understand it. 'WHAT?! I have to pour into a pan with water?! That is WAY too difficult. I need to just throw a bag into the microwave and hit a button!'


So here's after I took them out of the oven the first time, after 20 minutes. I figured they wouldn't be finished right away, and when I cut into them, a couple were still frozen in the middle...so back in they go. About 15 minutes later..

 
A little more crunchy, but cooked this time. And for the record, I like slightly burning my food, I like that crunch. :)

Nom rating: 2.5 out of 5. Perhaps I could blame the chicken. Too fat and didn't thaw. But I wasn't that impressed. I don't think I'd make them again, but if I did, I'd make sure to use different chicken.
Peas Nom Rating: 6 out of 5! I CAN HAZ ALL THE PEAS!